The Little Wutainese Place on Loveless and Main
by Proteus DMC
Summary: Six months have passed since the war with Deepground.  Former AVALANCHE members meet for lunch, but what will Cid order?  Where are Cloud and Vincent?  Who will foot the bill?  All will be revealed.


"What do you mean all you want is fried rice?" Yuffie said.

Cid dropped the menu. "I just don't know what else to get."

"We're at the only authentic Wutainese restaurant in Edge City and all you can think of to order is fried rice?"

"Remember somthin' Yuffie. I'm just a country boy. Look at this stuff on the menu. 'Red-braised mock-chicken? Five Diamond Supreme with shrimp sauce? I don't know what any of this crap is."

Tifa and Barret chuckled.

"Real Wutainese food is nothing like what they serve in Edge," Yuffie said.

"Yeah, you don't know what's in the real stuff," Barret said. "I'll bet if you really knew what was in the 'Five Diamond Supreme with shrimp sauce' you wouldn't eat it. Yo, you better watch your back around this place, Red."

Red XIII looked up from his menu, concerned.

Yuffie prepared a response, but stopped when their server arrived. They all ordered. The server refilled their drinks and then scurried back through the ambient red restaurant. A blast of heat radiated from the kitchen. The five former AVALANCHE members sat at a round table. Cait stood nearby, studying a waving lucky cat figurine. The hostess tried not to stare.

When they were alone again, Yuffie spoke. "Barret! I don't believe you. That's such a horrible, vicious stereotype. You should be ashamed."

"Could you tell me everything in these dishes?" Barret said.

"No…" Yuffie said. "But let me tell you. All Wutainese people do not eat felines. And… some only eat certain specific breeds. They're slaughtered under inspection like everything else in this city."

"So what's in this Five Diamond stuff?" Barret said.

"Blue chocobo and cuahl whiskers," Yuffie said.

Barret, Tifa, and Cid's jaws dropped.

Yuffie sipped her water. "What? There's a saying among the Wutainese: The more dangerous it is, the better it tastes."

Red XIII shuddered.

Cid shrugged. "At least the tea here's good."

Servers shuffled to and fro through the dining room.

"I'm sorry you couldn't make it here in person, Reeve," Tifa said.

"Can't be helped," the mechanical cat said. "Things have been busy at the WRO ever since the Deepground crisis. But I couldn't miss this chance to see you all again. We need to do this more often."

"Speaking of which," Tifa said, "Where's Vincent?"

Yuffie paled. "You hadn't heard?"

"No," Tifa said. "What?"

"The authorities are looking for him."

"What? Why?"

"It's complicated."

Tifa narrowed her eyes. "Oh?"

"No it ain't," Barret said. "He and Shelke broke up."

Tifa measured her words with care. "I… didn't know they were seeing each other. That's…"

"Effin' creepy?" Cid said.

"She is in her twenties, isn't she?" Tifa said.

"Yeah, but that whole stunted aging thing," Yuffie said. "I told him it was weird. She looks like, what, ten? It wasn't a good breakup."

"She called the cops on him," Barret said.

"Oh." It took Tifa a moment to get it. "Oh!"

"Yeah. I warned him she might pull that card. But no, 'I trust her, Yuffie,' he said. 'She knows my pain. She even took the memory and personality of Lucretia.'" Yuffie rolled her eyes. "I mean… hello?"

"He has pretty bad luck with women, doesn't he?" Tifa said.

"I tend to chalk it up to poor judgment," Red XIII said.

The food arrived a few minutes later.

"Is the fried rice good, Cid?" Yuffie said.

"It ain't bad. So what'd you get little miss 'Wutainese food is so good?'"

Yuffie picked up a greenish piece of meat with her chopsticks. "Malboro four ways," she said.

Cid grimaced. "Ain't no way that can be good."

"It's actually really good," Yuffie said. "But it takes a master chef to prepare it. They have to butcher it _just_ right. If they do, it's divine. But if they don't, you'll get at least three status ailments. Maybe four. Anyone want to try it?"

No one answered.

"Tifa?" Yuffie said.

"I'll pass…" Tifa said.

Cid hailed their waitress. "Excuse me. Do you have a fork and spoon?"

The waitress seemed taken aback. "I'm sorry, we only have one pair. The gentleman at that table over there has them."

The red-cloaked figure at the corner table had concealed most of his features. Even his face was half-hidden beneath his collar. His exposed left hand gleamed like metal. Fiery red eyes seemed to scream to the table of AVALANCHE members, "stop starting."

They all tried hard to ignore him for the rest of the meal.

"So what the hell am I supposed to do?" Cid said.

"You really should learn how to use the chopsticks," Yuffie said.

"Help me out here, Barret," Cid said.

Barret shrugged. His own chopsticks were an attachment to his prosthetic hand. "On your own, man."

"It is a good skill to have," Tifa said.

"Yeah. It's tough watching anyone eat one grain at a time," Yuffie said.

"Ha ha. Why the hell aren't you all razzing Red? He doesn't use chopsticks either," Cid said.

"Well perhaps if I had opposable thumbs I would have less of an excuse, Cid," Red XIII said. "It all comes down to opposable thumbs…" He seemed to ruminate on a deep through before returning to his soup.

Cid grumbled something unintelligible and then fumbled with his chopsticks again.

When they all finished, the server brought the check.

"Can you split it?" Tifa said.

The server shook her head. "They can split it at the front."

"You're paying, right Yuffie?" Barret said.

"What?" Yuffie said.

"You suggested this place. I kinda thought you were," Barret said.

Yuffie threw up her hands. "I'm poor. You're supposed to be the oil tycoons!"

Barret and Cid grimaced at about the same time.

"What's wrong?" Yuffie said.

"We're havin' a tough time at the new site," Cid said. "Dippin' into savings."

"You've got buku bucks, don't you, Reeve old buddy?" Barret said.

Cait shook its head. "I'm not even eating. Besides: No pants; no pockets; no cash."

"_I'll_ pay," Tifa said.

"Thanks Tifa old girl," Barret said.

Tifa smiled and seemed only slightly annoyed.

"How's Denzel?" Cait said.

"He's well. He's with Elmyra and Marlene today. I guess you haven't seen him in a while. He's getting more and more like Cloud every day."

"I thought he was with Cloud today," Cid said. "Wait, why isn't Cloud here?"

"Hold on," Barret said. He had consumed more than one beer. "Where the hell's Red?"

The seat to his right was empty.

"He was here a minute ago," Tifa said.

"Don't tell me…" Barret said. "The bastards got him, didn't they?"

"No!" Yuffie said. "He went to the bathroom. Dumbass."

"Anyhow, Cloud's at work," Tifa said. She sighed.

"Where?" Cid said.

"He had a delivery to make to Icicle Inn," Tifa said.

"So maybe he stopped by the City of the Ancients," Yuffie said. "You know. To see her."

Tifa nodded. "Maybe."

"You don't have to be jealous, Tifa," Yuffie said.

"What?"

"He loves you."

"Of course I know that!"

"And it's not like your picture is under hers in his wallet or anything," Yuffie said.

"Right." Tifa paused. "Is it?"

"Well, yeah."

"When did you look through his wallet, Yuffie?"

"I'm only saying… If it were me, I probably wouldn't keep a picture like that out there in my wallet. I mean… someone might see that."

Tifa blushed.

Yuffie slurred her speech. "And another thing… I would have thought you'd be more leather than lace, Tifa. I guess you just can't tell these things. I mean, I would have thought the opposite of Shera, but if that picture in Cid's drawer is any sign…"

"Stop right there, Yuffie," Cid said.

Two armed police officers walked through the front door. They scanned the faces all around, ignoring the hostess questioning whether they were prepared to be seated. The red-cloaked figure disappeared into the back of the restaurant.

"What is getting into you Yuffie?" Tifa said. "It's like you have no filter right now…"

"I dunno, Teef," Yuffie said. "I'm not feeling quite right." She took another bite of her greenish food.

Their server passed by. "Perhaps I can refill your drinks while you…"

Yuffie leapt from her chair and kicked the waitress in the face. She fell to the ground unconscious.

"Yuffie!" Cid gasped. "Snap out of it!"

Yuffie overturned the table. In her eyes, Tifa recognized a growing frenzy and disorientation. "She's Confused!" Tifa said.

A mortified manager opened the swinging kitchen doors to the kitchen and cried out. "Not again! This happens every time we train a new chef!"

The police officers rushed Yuffie. She flipped one across her shoulder into an adjacent table. Tea, rice, noodles, and a food item that was still moving rolled across the floor.

Barret crouched behind the overturned table. "Tifa. What kinda materia's Yuffie got on her?"

"A think a restore, a heal, a revive…" Tifa blinked. "Maybe Bahamut Zero."

Cid cursed. Yuffie closed her eyes to concentrate regardless of the police officer attempting to grapple with her. The shimmering glow of a Life spell filled the Wutainese dining room. The injured police officer stood, revived, but disoriented. The AVALANCHE table's server and several entrées rose a moment later. Yuffie lunged at the revived police officer. He struggled until Yuffie choked him out. His colleague jumped after to pry her away but was thrown hard against the wall a moment later.

"Do you have a remedy?" Barret said.

"Why would I bring one of those to a Wutainese restaurant for lunch?" Tifa said.

"I brought one!" Cid said.

It was too late. Yuffie kicked herself in the face and fell flat.

Tifa, Barret, and Cid stood. Cait crawled out from underneath a table. Painful silence ensued.

"We'd better get her out of here," Tifa finally said. "We'll get her revived back at Seventh Heaven."

Barret threw Yuffie over his shoulder and started out. Cid followed a moment later. Tifa and Cait apologized profusely to the hostess and the manager. They were both in a state of near-shock. And then the former AVALANCHE members left.

Five minutes later, the front door opened. A leather-clad blond with a blue chocobo slung across his shoulder walked through the front door. "Tifa, surprise! I didn't want to tell you, but I had one last delivery for the day." Cloud blinked. "Tifa?"

Red XIII walked out of the men's room and approached his vacant table. The manager approached. He did not look pleased. "Your party left. And the man in the corner table said you would take care of his bill. And then there is the matter of the dining room…"

Red XIII saw a bemused Cloud. "You are wearing pants with pockets, aren't you Cloud?"


End file.
